Self Management Skills for Better Communication with Caroline Maguire

The holiday season is officially underway, and after the divisive year 2020 has been, you can be sure that self-management skills will be necessary at your next holiday get-together (including the virtual ones) and as you head into a new year of uncertainty at work (at home). Self-management skills help us to control our thoughts, feelings and actions. 

According to Outspoken speaker, ADHD and social skills expert and best-selling author Caroline Maguire, self-management requires self-regulation, self-reflection, perspective taking and/or stepping into someone else’s shoes. It is not always the easiest route to take, but it is undoubtedly the most rewarding. So this holiday season, when you instinctively want to communicate in a way that lacks compassion, kindness and perspective, pause before you speak and follow these strategies for improved self-management skills from Caroline. 

REMEMBER INTENTION

What you say to someone has the power to damage your relationship with them permanently. But, in the moment, it is easy to forget that. For example, it is easy to forget all the good things someone has done for you in the past when you disagree with them politically at the moment. 

However, Caroline challenges us to step into someone else’s shoes and make an extra effort to consider what the person’s intentions are. Take a minute to remember who that person is and what they have done for you. For instance, if someone is a relative that has always treated you with love and affection, do not respond to them with fiery emotion. Focus instead on their positive traits when you express your opinion to them. A response like, “Interesting, I can see why you would feel that way,” helps validate their feelings and emotions. 

WALK IN THEIR SHOES

Never assume someone else’s motives. Remember, there may be a reason this person is acting the way they are. Did they struggle financially this past year? Maybe they are dealing with something in their life that you have no idea about. Feeling empathy, rather than apathy, and trying to “walk in their shoes” during the conversation can help you to respond better and them to respond better too. 

Caroline suggests asking open-ended questions and listening to the other person’s responses without judgment. Open-ended questions use the words who, what, when, where, how and why. And they ask, rather than tell.  

BUILD A BRIDGE TO UNDERSTANDING

Our intention should be to speak to others with respect. But if you intend to use one-liners, zingers and sarcasm, it will only create a more significant divide with whomever you are speaking to.

Instead, Caroline recommends pausing, breathing deeply and responding in a way that conveys respect by keeping your tone neutral. She also suggests avoiding extreme statements like “never” or “always.” 

LISTEN  

Genuinely listening to someone is sometimes easier said than done, right? But according to Caroline, listening is more than about not talking -- listening involves eye contact and connection. She suggests keeping your facial expressions and body language relaxed and friendly and avoiding interruptions and “one-ups” during the conversation. 

MANAGE EMOTIONS RATHER THAN HAVING THEM MANAGE YOU

Before the holidays arrive, Caroline recommends taking time to note the symptoms your body makes when it becomes agitated and come up with a few ways to lessen those reactions. For example, instead of blowing up at someone, use mindfulness to recognize the signs of your agitation and breathe consciously to slow your mind and your thoughts.  

DON'T CLIMB ON THE SOAPBOX

Since it is unlikely you will change anyone’s deep-seated opinions during a holiday meal, Caroline recommends simply avoiding the soapbox and harsh lectures altogether.

FIND THE SIMILARITIES

We are all human beings, and though we have many differences, we also share many similarities. And because of that, Caroline believes that emphasizing community, rather than declaring incompatibility, goes a long way. 

All of this to say, it does not mean that you cannot voice your opinions this holiday season and beyond. But instead of falling prey to loud interruptions and rude retorts, institute rules of respect and give each person equal time to speak. Learn from one another and with each other. Help everyone sitting and listening around the table (virtual or not) to learn too. And now, more than ever, that is what we should be focusing on. Certainly a perspective and a set of tools anyone can utilize and bring into the new year!

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If you are interested in booking Caroline Maguire for your next virtual event, please contact us. If you would like to learn more about Outspoken Agency, please reach out to our team today. We'd love to hear from you: 1-646-863-4000