Reconnecting in a Disconnected World

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In his Candid Conversation, Dr. Ned Hallowell discussed learning how to work from home in a job that has previously relied on face-to-face interactions, advice on how to manage anxiety and stress, helping your children with their school work (now with technical limitations and malfunctions), juggling the basics of life and more.

Child and adult psychiatrist, Founder of The Hallowell Centers, and Learning Differences expert, Dr. Ned Hallowell had some tips to share about balancing life during the pandemic. 

"The two types of worry that I distinguish between are good worry and bad worry, known as toxic worry—the good worry we need. Now, we need it for sure. If you don't worry at all, we have a word for that--it's called denial. If you're not the least bit worried, you're not aware of what's going on. You don't want to get rid of worry altogether. But you want it to be good worry, productive worry. That means problem-solving. An alarm goes off; you start to worry, and then what you want to do is head in the direction of solving the problem. The worry should be an alarm that leads you to take steps to prevent whatever danger you perceive to be imminent. That's what separates humans from the rest. I mean, animals can react, but I don't think they sit there and worry, making plans for the future the way we do and the way we can because we have this extraordinary faculty called the imagination," said Dr. Hallowell.

"But, when the imagination plays tricks, which the imagination is prone to do, you can then go from a state of constructive, productive, good worry, problem-solving, doing what humans uniquely equipped to do to a state that I call toxic worry. In toxic worry, you do the opposite of problem-solving. You do problem enlargement," explained Dr. Hallowell. 

Steps to Get Yourself Out of Toxic Worry 

Dr. Hallowell talked about a three-step process that you can use to get yourself out of toxic worry. 

Never Worry Alone 

"Never worry alone. My old teacher, Tom Kutal, used to say that it's fine to worry, just never worry alone. Almost always, toxic worry occurs when you're alone and in isolation. When you feel worry coming on and when it's leading you in in a bad direction, speak to somebody you know. Get out of yourself. Get out of your head because your head becomes quicksand when you're in toxic worry," advised Hallowell. 

Examples of talking to someone that Dr. Hallowell gave included:

  • A friend

  • A pet 

  • A spiritual connection

  • A relative 

  • An individual you have connected with for some time

Get the Facts

"Almost always, toxic worry is rooted in wrong information, lack of information or both. This pandemic is a perfect example of that. There's just so much wrong information fluttering around, and how do you tell the right from the wrong. Try to get facts and separate the facts from the wrong stuff," said Hallowell.

Make a Plan

"Make a plan--whether the plan works or not doesn't matter because no plan works all the time. Why do you have a plan? The two key variables that create toxic worry are addressed—number one, vulnerability. When you have a plan, you feel less vulnerable. Then, number two, a lack of control. When you have a plan, you feel more in control. Reducing toxic worry is all about reducing your feelings of vulnerability and increasing your feelings of control," said Hallowell. 

How Can You Manage the Merged Environments of Work and Home? 

Living and working from home can be challenging. You might have roommates, children and other people working from your area. The children might be young enough to still need to be watched. They might be in school, which is now online. Your partner might have a job and they need to work. 

How can you manage the stress and anxiety that comes with these new challenges? 

Dr. Hallowell suggests communicating with the others in your space and setting boundaries, regardless if they are roommates, partners, etc. These boundaries can include:

  • Deciding times to watch tv

  • Creating a shower schedule

  • Making a dinner menu

  • Developing a work/school schedule 

Dr. Hallowell warned that if you don't set boundaries, "the disagreements will arise inevitably.”

Additionally, Dr. Hallowell says that you should be prepared to agree, have disagreements and be prepared to make sacrifices. 

For those experiencing anxiety, stress or even feel like they are experiencing ADHD, Dr. Hallowell advises two things--creating structure in the home and offering creative stimulation. 

Creating a structure within the home can:

  • Reduce chaos 

  • Misdirection 

  • A day disappearing with nothing being accomplished

Additionally, Dr. Hallowell recommends creating stimulation to go along with the structure. This could be playing a sport, chess or participating in a creative project. 

Dr. Hallowell also discussed in more depth:

  • Some practical tools that can help eliminate toxic worry and bring back some of the structure into our daily lives instilling some confidence that we desperately need

  • How we need to take a dose of Vitamin C: Vitamin Connect 

  • Tips on how to keep yourself and your children focused while working remotely

Watch Dr. Hallowell’s full Candid Conversation!

 

Additional Resources for Dr. Hallowell:

  • Book: Driven to Distraction at Work, which is about how to stay focused and productive while working remotely

  • Book: CrazyBusy, which highlights how to manage anxiety and being overwhelmed

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